Shana Kay: Entrepreneur & Management Consultant

Digital SpaceCadet, GirlGeek, Techno-Tunkie, Connector, Happiness Seeker..

You’ll want to stop, you may hate me, but keep reading …

Posted on | March 24, 2011 | Comments Off

female-maleIts about …. relationships. The intimate kind.

(Caveat: I can only speak from heterosexual relationship experience, I am also generalising based on the feedback I’ve had from my lady and male friends.)

So I am always thinking, isn’t everyone!?! But I do more than think about things. I analyse the way things are because of what was and what will be. I analyse the impact of cultural, socia-economic influences and religion on relationships, and as I was chatting to yet another girlfriend, the following was revealed as if a halo of light was shining from it. What is that?

“No matter how new-age your man is, no matter how liberal your woman is, men and women will always (without fail) in any and all relationships, argue about the same things.”

On women

  • We will always fight, in whatever relationship we have, over the same thing every single couple fights over.
  • Work faster and do things without being asked.
  • Remember little things such as reminding you of something non really important or your favorite treat.
  • Grow our hair for you and spend hours grooming ourselves even though we don’t want to.
  • Tirelessly do and do and do for others without expectation or request, and compromise more often than not.
  • However, every now and again, the smallest thing will cause an explosion that even Hiroshima would have seems insignificant against.

On men

  • A man will buy a dishwasher and think it solves the problem.
  • Do what he wants to do, most of the time and compromise very infrequently.
  • Listen to his mates after you’ve told him the same thing a week ago.
  • NEVER fill the petrol tank when its almost empty, waits until it says “go to the garage”.
  • Never ask for directions.
  • Go into function-mode when he should be supporting us emotionally and always without fail retreat to his cave, which may take the form of gym, sport, musical instruments or even work.
  • One thing than remains true is that a man, no matter what, will emerge from his cave and expect you to be ready to pick it all up.

HOW COULD RELATIONSHIPS LAST FOR 20-30-40-50 YEARS IN THE PAST?

Looking back I see that the traditional gender role of a woman having four or more kids, and “knowing” her role of care-giver, mother and feeder, kept her quite busy. The man was out “gathering” working physically hard to provide for his family. He never overstepped his boundary and neither did she.

(They spent very little time together and occupying “mixed” spaces.)

male-vs-female-brain-demotivational-poster-1223915543

The problems developed when roles started reversing. The man may now stay home and take care of the children and the woman goes to work, suited up, and when she gets home, still (sometimes unconsciously expected) to complete her “motherly” duties.

She is of course exhausted at this stage, but her guilt of being away from her children and home overcomes her and she does what she can, although physically drained.

In the past, men and women occupied different spaces, lead different lives and filled different roles. I am by no means stating that we should revert back to “ancient” times. What I am saying is that I (as a woman) am always trying to get my partner (male) to see my point of view when genetically, we are wired differently and is really hard to do. The same applies when a man uses the word “rational” and “irrational”.

<Women scream, men roll your eyes ;)>

Why do you think women are always talking to each other about the same s**t?

I am not with resolution at this stage. All I know is that if you are in a relationship that is not working and you’re spotting a pattern, remember that breaking up with your partner is not the answer if the same thing has happened before.

So what to do?

  • Men, provide emotional support sometimes, especially when it seems to you that we are going MAD!
  • Women, let him go to his cave (and yes, let go of his leg while he tries to go there) he will be back ;).

Couples, realise that screaming and shouting is okay every once in a while, but there is no one point of view. Our brains are wired differently and therefore we have different points of view. What we can do is be aware of the differences and  try to learn from them. One thing is for sure, no man can “change” a woman and no woman can “change” a man.

My search for resolve continues.

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